So i was talking to Jared about serious stuff
Am i losing who i am?
He thinks that i'm not jansen anymore is that true?
sometimes what he says is kind of, well in my opinion naive
But i do see where he is coming from
He says he hates me because I know i'm ready for whats ahead of me
i already know,
The thing is i feel the same way.
I know what i want, i'm ready for whats ahead
I live with so much going on
I care about others.
I care about strangers.
what comes around goes around
I live my life with this motto:
"go day by day knowing that if u died tomorrow you would be happy, if your not happy do more today"
He also asked me why i believe.
Well my answer to that was because it's possible
is that not the correct answer
I believe in something because it's possible
All this started because I said i wanted to be a leader.
I want to be the leader of our bboy group
but not a big boss im in charge leader
and no a im better then all of you leader
more like a i'll support and keep us together leader
Jared said I can't be a leader, my personality doesn't fit being a leader
Vincent says i can be a good leader
In the future i do want to be president for VSA
it was a very recent goal
I talked to Elizabeth about it
probably the people reading this right now are like wow he must be insane
maybe things in the line such as i can't handle the role, or i'm to stupid
who knows
I hold grudges on one person right now
Fransisco
One day we were practicing and i taunted him a little
meaningless taunts, its for fun
our group taunts each other just for fun all the time
so as i was holding a side chair (which my one arm holding my hole body up)
he ran into me purposely
i fell forward almost landing on my face if my left arm didn't catch me
instead of an apology he said "you were in my way"
WHEN Clearly i have been in that space for awhile
if i didn't catch myself my face would be fucked up
my face was seriously less then an inch away from the floor
no apology
i won't let that go till i get one
Jared thinks i'm not the same because when we went to Peterpan Jojo, Oscar and Jared bought these swords, and i didn't. He said the Jansen he knew would have played swords with them and not miss out. In my mind i said i didn't want to be retarted. They hit me in the head with the swords as i sat there waiting for everyone to arrive. It was so stupid. When everyone else came i was happy to hear Elizabeth say "I'm proud of you Jansen, your starting to mature" Tom said "Wow you guys are idiots, Jansen good job being mature" it felt good i guess. What kind of pissed me off was that they ran out of money and only gave a 1 dollar tip. i felt bad for their waiter person i gave her a 5 dollar bill. paying the tip for their table. i bitched at Jojo, Oscar and Jared a little. I mean all the money they used buying those stupid swords could have went to paying for a decent tip. Jared said he didn't care about the tip. I guess i feel that i have a heart and i care about people even though i don't even know them.
Our BBoy group it's so divided. Theres my little group which is the main group. Which consist of Tom, Jim, Ji, Vincent, and I. Then theres that 3 man group, made up of Jared, Oscar and Jojo. and last that anti group. made up of Phillip and Fransisco. I don't want that 3 man group to be there. I want us to be a whole. I don't really care much about the anti group. I want us to be a crew a big crew. I want them to join Cookie Doh Crew.
This is where Jared's logic pisses me off
he believes that being in a crew will slow him down
where i believe it will improve us
I don't know where his logic backs him up but
my logic says learning from each other is always better.
Recently i've been to happy that i've lost my self control. Amy i still apogozie for that.
Also recently i didn't want to be around my close friends.
i actually hated you guys.
I felt left out, not wanted.
All i did was maple and break when i didn't speak to you guys
Idk why i just felt so unwanted since friday
what made me sad was when i was pointed out by one person that i was inmature
that one person should know how i feel about that.
such a little thing made me mad
it made me so mad i walked off to cool down
i wanted to see April, but she already left
when i'm mad or sad i usually don't show i just walk and relax
i must be really mad and sad for me to explode
Today for mimi's party i guess i regained my self control.
i missed my friends.
i wanted to talk to them,
i'm happy i did
to not be over to get over someone drives me crazy
espically when i run away from them
my instincts just bring me closer
my instincts want me to have fun and be happy
being with her makes me have fun and feel happy
so as i run away i just ran in a oval
why not a circle
because i ran away but ended up closer to her
I hate feeling this happy when i lost
I try getting over her, i fail
i even have intrest in someone else
but that intrest is always over powered by her
if only you could just leave my life
no why would i write taht
i would never want taht to happen
shes one of the most important people to me
rawr
penis dinosaur >>
"Seals are awkward on land but graceful in the water"
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2 comments:
You are maturing Jansen, don't think that we don't notice.
You've been maturing a lot since I personally met you. I can't really compare old Caboose asking for donations to the Jansen here with us today. xD
You're always going to be Caboose to us though :]]]]]
There are just times where it's hard to believe you're being serious, because of the way you're talking or acting or whatever.
There's a time and place for everything.
I'm excited to see how far you go in life. As long as you're not like... a Zookeeper.
I'll be pleasantly surprised with how you turn-out. :D
With your Bboying and stuff too.
You can do it!
i am almost positive you will be president of VSA.
you're not insane for thinking that.
and you definitely are maturing, and that's great.
don't mind the things that people do and say that put you down!
and i'm sorry for anything i might've taken part in that made you feel left out..
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